K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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