A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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