Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
