I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
