I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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