he wants to bone in the snuggie
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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