Sry I called you an 8
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
