I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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