we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
