Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Are my feet made of real feet?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
