Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
