Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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