I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
