Need sex. Gaining weight.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
