If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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