I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
