Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
