Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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