tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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