He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
