sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Randomize
