Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
