Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
