what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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