I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
