I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
