I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize