my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
what day is it and did you see me today?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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