hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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