I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He? As in you personified your dick?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
