I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
