I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
