I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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