I am in a vortex of obligation.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
