If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
