why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
