in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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