Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize