hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
