When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
