i wish starbucks made bloody marys
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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