Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i need an iv and a liver transplant
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize