and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize