nut hugger
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
