My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
