Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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