Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
