do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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