did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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