God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
