i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize