dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
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