Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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