I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
