No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He shit in the fireplace
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
