Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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