Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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