Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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