mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
