so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
50% drunk capacity currently
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize