Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My ass is underappreciated
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
