Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
