i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
