the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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