I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
