I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
