I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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