I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
