dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
youre lurking in front of me
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
