It was confusing and full of hummus
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
