who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
