i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
