I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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