My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
