the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
