4 words: hood of his car
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize